Failed Step 1, spiraling into chronic depression..

5/12/2014 6:19:04 PM
So I got my score last thursday since there was some system glitch and could not view it wednesday. It was a Thursday morning, just woke up and logged into my score report saw the big FAIL and threw up. Its Monday today, been 4 days and I am still in shock. To numb the pain, I have turned to alcohol and marijuana hardcore, let me explain....

I graduated from a Caribbean school (St James) that I knew wasn't going to help me with anything, it was up to me in the end and I accepted that. I was one of those students that made the Deans list and all that. After finishing up my basic science, I started preparing for step 1, finished DIT twice! wrote the entire first aid word for word by hand, yes by hand! Finished Kaplan videos, did u world thrice! Kaplan Qbank twice! did about 3 NBME exams and all those scores meant nothing, do not trust that score, its a scam. I was getting close to 210 on them but ended up getting 181 on my real exam. I have officially relapsed and gone into severe depression and turned to drugs because I knew in my heart the way I prepped for step 1 was inhumane, had it been me slacking off then I would have accepted my score but I studied and gave it my 110% and getting this kind of score was unacceptable. Anyways, Ill study soon, right now I'm pretty depressed to give a **** about anything, peace out


5/12/2014 6:52:40 PM
My heart is breaking for you. I can not begin to imagine how you feel nor can I express how sorry I am to hear your news. If you don't know already there is one being that will love you through all of your slip ups and that is GOD himself. It is in these dark times that we need to be able to find comfort in him and have faith that everything happens for a reason and you will still get where you are supposed to be according to his WILL. Take some time to process what has happened but don't allow yourself to wallow in despair for too long. You may have failed the exam but you are not a failure in the eyes of the ONE who matters. Try not to measure yourself by the standards of this world, although you need to pass this exam in order to fulfill your dream, focus on the bigger picture and what really matters. I haven't taken the exam yet so I have no advise for how you could better prepare especially since it seems that you have already followed the advice that I have received from everybody so maybe you could do some introspection to determine if you need to talk with someone about possible test anxiety or performance anxiety. I wish you the best, and I pray that you kill that exam the next time around.
edited by on 5/12/2014


6/4/2016 7:36:55 PM
To the first poster,
I feel your pain. I had a similar experience, and I was thinking about quitting life altogether.
The second poster was correct to respond to your situation by turning to God, and never look back. Just trust that there is a reason for everything. Usually it boils down to character building for all of us.

You did work very hard, and it shows by what you posted. Step 1 is not just testing your ability to recall; it is also testing your ability to reason and avoid distractions. Moreover, there is a bit of strategy for those who are struggle to make the passing mark.

I'd say stay strong , and find a support system. Seek anxiety treatment maybe. I talked to a professional career counselor, a psychologist, and a few people at the library that I never met. I also talked to family.

Consider that whatever happens, the best option is to move forward in your mind. That means picking up the book again when you're ready. Sometimes acceptance is the best option when you cannot change a bad situation. Read about the Serenity Prayer. That quote alone will help guide your decisions.

Wish you well.


6/14/2016 5:41:28 PM
mubasher23 wrote:
So I got my score last thursday since there was some system glitch and could not view it wednesday. It was a Thursday morning, just woke up and logged into my score report saw the big FAIL and threw up. Its Monday today, been 4 days and I am still in shock. To numb the pain, I have turned to alcohol and marijuana hardcore, let me explain....

I graduated from a Caribbean school (St James) that I knew wasn't going to help me with anything, it was up to me in the end and I accepted that. I was one of those students that made the Deans list and all that. After finishing up my basic science, I started preparing for step 1, finished DIT twice! wrote the entire first aid word for word by hand, yes by hand! Finished Kaplan videos, did u world thrice! Kaplan Qbank twice! did about 3 NBME exams and all those scores meant nothing, do not trust that score, its a scam. I was getting close to 210 on them but ended up getting 181 on my real exam. I have officially relapsed and gone into severe depression and turned to drugs because I knew in my heart the way I prepped for step 1 was inhumane, had it been me slacking off then I would have accepted my score but I studied and gave it my 110% and getting this kind of score was unacceptable. Anyways, Ill study soon, right now I'm pretty depressed to give a **** about anything, peace out


6/14/2016 5:42:35 PM
When did you took your test? I took mine on May 28. Still waiting. Not sure if I wil get it tomorrow or next week.

To mubasher, I can feel your pain. But no reason to cry over something that has already happened. Let's focus on what comes next. Life is not all about getting what you want all the time. Maybe God has bigger plan for you. Don't add a problem to another. Love yourself. You're a very smart person to know that you are hurting yourself more physically and mentally for your actions. If you need a friend, please email me [email protected]

Thanks!
edited by on 6/14/2016
edited by on 6/14/2016


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